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Song Details
Rectal Thermometer 
By: Karl Brown
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
Click Here for a Free Download of this song at 128k
Rank this week: 10 (↑23)
Duration: 2:50 
Release Date: 2/29/2008  (karlap) 
Lyrics By: Karl Brown (karlap) 
Music By: Karl Brown (karlap) 
Produced By: Karl Brown (karlap) 
Released By: self-released under Creative Commons License (karlap) 
Published By:
Licensing: CC 
  • A live performance of this song (with the same backing tracks) was done at the Marscon Dementia Fan Showcase, hosted by DJ Particle, on March 2, 2008. (karlap)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Rectal, rectal thermometer
    Rectal, rectal thermometer
    Rectal, rectal thermometer
    Rectal thermometer
    Rectal thermometer

    Rectal thermometer
    Will take your temperature
    Will take your temperature for sure

    Hold it up, look and see
    Little bulb of mercury
    Ninety seven, eight, nine,
    Hundred one, two, three degrees

    You can keep your cyclotron
    And your spectral photometer
    There is nothing so much fun
    As a rectal thermometer

    Rectal thermometer made of glass
    Rectal thermometer in your ass
    Best try to avoid a disaster
    Rectal thermometer shake, shake, shake
    Rectal thermometer please don't break
    That would really be a big mistake

    **(kazoo solo)**


    There ain't nothin' quite so fun
    As a rectal thermometer

    Rectal thermometer made of glass
    Rectal thermometer in your ass
    Best try to avoid a disaster
    Rectal thermometer shake, shake, shake
    Rectal thermometer please don't break
    That would really be a big mistake

    Rectal thermometer, rectal

    Current Rating 7.4 (7 votes)
    Messages about the song: "Rectal Thermometer"
    karlap   Offline  -  Artist  -  03-13-14 04:39 PM  -  9 years ago
    The recording has been modified slightly. The first half of the second bridge (after the kazoo solo) is now an instrumental.
    karlap   Offline  -  Artist  -  12-01-08 03:54 PM  -  15 years ago
    The live version recorded at the Marscon 2008 Dementia Fan Showcase is now on The FuMP Sideshow: or This track, with additional spoken introduction by DJ Particle, is also on the The MarsCon 2009 Dementia Track Fund Raiser DELUXE 3-CD set, available from
    Bob Guest   Offline  -  Artist  -  11-17-08 07:55 AM  -  15 years ago
    I enjoyed the video. Thanks for posting.
    karlap   Offline  -  Artist  -  07-17-08 03:13 PM  -  15 years ago
    Last night I performed Rectal Thermometer live at World's Greatest No-Talent Show, part of the GALA Choruses Festival in Miami which I am attending as a member of the Golden Gate Men's Chorus (the official GGMC concert set was Tuesday night).

    The NTS was held at the Jungle Island Parrot Bowl which normally hosts bird shows. Accompanying me was a live band: NTS musical director Eric Lane Barnes on piano (he is also director of Seattle's Captain Smartypants among many other things); San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus artistic director Dr. Kathleen McGuire on bass, and Vicki Zalewski on drums (she also played drums for the Metropolitan Community Church San Francisco Praise and Worship Team's official GALA concert set). My backup singers were Stephanie Lynne Smith (artistic director of both MCCSF and the Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco) and Carolyn Eidson of LGCSF, who dressed up as nurses and simulated insertion of progressively larger thermometers into my rectum while I wore a hospital gown.

    The hour-long No-Talent Show ran twice; the 1000-seat Parrot Bowl was filed to capacity both times. The GALA Festival runs all week ending this Saturday, and features concerts by 4000+ singers in 170 choruses.
    johnph46   Offline  -  Donator  -  03-12-08 06:34 PM  -  15 years ago
    Great song Karl! It reminded of this joke:

    A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.

    Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great. Some asshole's got my pen."
    knowtalentagency   Offline  -  Artist & Donator  -  03-11-08 04:52 PM  -  15 years ago
    Hilarious! It's amazing how a weird song can float around in your mind for years. (Does it have anything to do with having "Brown" as your surname? My name is Eric Brown. And I've had some weird songs floating around in my mind, too. If I could only find some time again to record them!)
    spookster   Offline  -  Artist  -  03-02-08 05:16 PM  -  16 years ago
    Funny Sick Twisted, I love it!
    MarlinsGirl   Offline  -  Participant  -  03-02-08 07:37 AM  -  16 years ago
    that is a demented song, nice job Karl.

    Terri M.
    karlap   Offline  -  Artist  -  03-02-08 02:15 AM  -  16 years ago
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