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Duration: 2:32 
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Keywords: STAR TREK 
Wow, this is dumb.- CapSuper
Song Lyrics:
NOTE: If I have made any mistakes in the lyrics, please email me and let me know so that I can correct them. Thanks!!

The wino frontier...
These are the voyages of the Barship Bourbonprize...
It's five beer mission...
To explore strange new clubs...
To seek out new girls and new habitizations...
To boldly go where no lush has gone before.

The commander of this mission is Captain Gins T. Jerk.
His first bartender Mr. Schlock.
First Medicinal Officer Real McCoy.
And Mixology Engineer Mr. Scotch.
As we look in on this intergalatic binge, Mr. Schlock is analyzing a Klingon wallbanger...

Schlock: Captain, an alien pimento is orbiting your barstool.

Captain: I'm aware of it, Schlock. Mix me a Romulan Martini. Mind warp factor 9 Mr. Popov. Full speed ahead Mr. Shuluz and hold the ice. Status report Mr. Scotch.

Scotch: I didn't know how long we can hold out, captain. The DTs are closing in on us and I don't like the look of that bouncer.

Captain: Lieutenent Whoareyou, send a message to barfleet headquarters. Instruct them to cancel all happy hour activities until this black hole of a hangover has past.

Whoareyou: Captain, all land frequencies are open, and they aren't responding.

Captain: Keep trying Whoareyou. McCoy, formulate a liquid for my aching head and have Mr. Scotch repair it, will you?

Captain: Captain's log: Bardate - Six minutes until last call. The Klingon wallbanger has analyzed Schlock instead, and McCoy had to resort to a furbidium seltzer water to set him right. Shuluz and Popov have lost our bearings and we're headed for the DT zone at the end of the galaxy. Captain out... Cold. (Thud)

Captain: Captain's log: Bardate 7-21-34. Upon awakening from a hundred proof suspended animation, I found an Ariyan slave girl liplocked on my phazer gun - Intent on draining all power reserves. Schlock and Scotch have disappeared and are probably light beers ahead of the rest of us. Shuluz, Popov and Lieutenant Whoareyou remain. I defeated the slave girl's objective by setting my phazer load on stun, causing her to choke. Shuluz has set a course for Plato's Retreat in hopes of finding the rest of the crew. The search for Schlock had begun. Jerk out.

Whoareyou: Bridge Club to Captain Jerk..

Captain: What is it Whoareyou?

Whoareyou: Captain, We found Schlock AND Dr. Scotch! they're being held captive on the Planet Al-Anon, and at last report were dying of liqiud malnutrition!

Captain: I'm on my way. McCoy, prepare Shirley Temples for the entire crew. This is going to be a tough mission!

Captain: Captain's log: Bardate... Time for a drink. We rescued Schlock and Scotch by beaming down to the planet disguised as officials from Alcoholics Anonymous and revived them with BSOP I.V.'s until their blood alcohol levels were back to normal. I am retiring to my cabin with Yeoman Reuniti for a lengthy debriefing on her duties to the captain... Later!
Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
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