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Song Details
Duration: 4:31 
Release Date: 1954  (CapSuper) 
Lyrics By: Steve Allen (CapSuper) 
Music By: Steve Allen (CapSuper) 
Produced By:
Released By: Coral Records (Edwin1) 
Published By:
Song Lyrics:
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Saturday: I'm 5 years old. My name is Saturday. Saturday Morning. I'm a kid.
It happened at 3:25 last Monday. I was on my way home from kindergarten, when I noticed I was missing... my lollipop.
My teacher Miss Brown had given me the lollipop for good behavior. It was a good lollipop... strawberry. I made up my mind to get it back. At 3:29 I checked back at the playground. Two strange kids were playing in the sand pile. I checked their pockets. Just as I thought, they were full of... sand.
3:45; there was a man selling ice cream bars at the school gate.
Bell: [*--|__*|*-_|*--\---|---]
I decided to question him. "Hello, mister."
Vendor: What can I do for you, son?
Saturday: I'm looking for a strawberry... sucker.
Vendor: What?!
Saturday: I mean, I'm looking for a strawberry sucker.
Vendor: Get lost.
Saturday: I marked him down in my book as a possible 5-18. I went across the street to the candy store. It was 3:59. There were some tough kids playing tap the icebox. It looked suspicious. They had one kid locked in an icebox. And the others were playing "Taps". I broke up the game and booked them all in the 4-12. The kid who had been in the icebox demanded protection. I walked him around the corner. We watched the gang. They started to play hopscotch. It looked funny. Then I knew. Someone was throwing the game.
The kid I was with said he had to leave. Said he had to go finish beating the erasers for Miss Brown. I checked under his fingernails. He was telling the truth. I found... chalk dust.
4:06. It was getting late. Still no lollipop. I had to move fast. My friend Donovan came by. He's in the first grade. He had a kiddie cart with a wagon in back. I jumped in the wagon. "All right, Donovan. Go to the corner of 14th and caterpillar. And step on it!"
14th Street. The neighborhood of our rival school, PS-87. There was a rough section. The school's so tough even the teachers played hooky. It was so tough they printed report cards on sandpaper. I was in over my head. I knew it. At first the schoolyard looked peaceful enough. I saw the janitor hitting the pigeons. Then I noticed. He was feeding them to his family.
I told Donovan to pick me up in 10 minutes. It was 4:19. Then I saw him. The toughest kid in the neighborhood. Fatso.
He was big: at least 3'6". He was a man mountain. He must've weighed 80 pounds. I could tell he was in second grade. He had that look. Tired. Cynical. Sophisticated. There was something odd about his face. Something strange about his mouth. Then I saw it. Sticking out of his mouth, my sucker!
"All right, Fatso. This is it."
Fatso: Listen, bud! You're askin' for a lickin'!
Saturday: "That's right. I'd like to lick my sucker again, if you don't mind."
Fatso: Scram, punk!
Saturday: "Listen, Fatso. You tough?"
Fatso: Yeah!
Saturday: "I knew it the minute I looked at you. Would you mind giving me my sucker? I got to be home in exactly 10 minutes."
Fatso: Why?
Saturday: "Got to take my nap."
(Fatso laughs)
Saturday: When he started laughing, he took the sucker out of his mouth. I saw my chance. I grabbed the sucker and started to run. Donovan came by just in time. I jumped in the wagon. It was downhill now. It was easy. We got away. I felt good inside. I had it again. My lollipop!
The story you have just heard was true. Only the flavor was changed to protect the sucker.
(Sonic SBL)
Current Rating 9.8 (2 votes)
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Messages about the song: "Dragnet Goes To Kindergarten"
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