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Song Details
Duration: 5:47 
Release Date: 1999  (peterpuck9) 
Lyrics By: S. Marks (peterpuck9) 
Music By: S. Marks (peterpuck9) 
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Facts:
  • Luke Ski and Some Of His friends Did A cover Version For The FUMP Volume 8 CD. (The Kahn Man)
  • There are two different versions of this song. One with a speaking intro. and another with sound effects including a chainsaw starting. (CZW Ref Fan Steven)
  • Made #1 on the Dr. Demento Funny 25 for 1999. (czwrefsteven)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (spoken)
    You know, Plutarch used to write often of the great and mysterious Chainsaw Juggler.

    Hickapoy Indians...documented the famed exploits of the great and mysterious Chainsaw Juggler in their smash banana-dye cave paintings.

    But never...has the...great and mysterious Chainsaw Juggler been more famous than during the filming of the "Texas Chainsaw Juggler Massacre".

    This next song's about a....chainsaw juggler.
    It's called..."The Chainsaw Juggler".
    Rock on, dude.

    Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
    He was a good friend of mine.
    And how did you learn to kiss like that?
    Said the man to his German shepherd

    It's not polite to talk when your mouth
    Is full...of big bumblebees...
    But it's quite okay to love your mom
    As long as you don't get her pregnant

    Everybody!

    Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
    Na na na nee, nee nee nee nee
    Na na na, nee nee nee, nee nee nee nee
    There's something wrong with this song!

    Cross my heart, yes. Stick a finger in my eye, no.
    But wife, I'm telling the truth...
    I've slept with your sister, your mom and your dad,
    And the second-best sex was you

    Oh, Rub-A-Dub-Dub, three men in a tub...
    Need I say more?
    Jack Sprat could eat no fat...
    So he divorced her!

    Everybody!

    I know that there's something wrong with this song
    I just don't know what it could be
    I know that there's something wrong with this song
    I just don't know what it could be

    (spoken)
    Wait a minute, who's up? Doggy?
    No.
    Donkey(?)
    No...
    BONE, KNOCK THAT OFF!!
    We're doing a song for God's sake.
    Where were we?
    Oh yeah, right
    Here we go!
    MEANWHILE....

    Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
    He was a good friend of mine
    I heard he died, but nobody cried
    Instead they all chopped off their arms!

    (spoken)
    Oh well, when in Rome...

    Non compos mentis persona non grata
    In vino veritas ad hoc (*HAAACK-TOOI!*)
    E Pluribus Unum, if to err is human
    Then boy, am I glad we're in charge!

    Oh, a Buddhist, a Muslim, a nun and a Jew
    Were stuck in a hot-air balloon
    It suddenly popped, and though they prayed as it dropped
    It proves that God hates us all

    Everybody!

    (Ad-lib stuff from the first part of the song)
    There's something wrong with this song!

    (Spoken until it says "Return to Singing")

    ...And as the wise man stood on top of the hill, naked and disgusting and dirty and...naked... he shouted down to the angry villagers far below...

    He said, "You may have won the battle, but
    I'm....I'm...out of ammunition!"

    He said, "Life isn't a bowl of cherries,
    its...it's.......okay, maybe it is."

    He said, "It's not the size that counts, it's
    the woman that counts the size!"

    He said, "You can't sue yourself for writing an
    unauthorized autobiography!"

    He said, "If you can't succeed, well then maybe
    you're a...goddamn loser!"

    He said, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether
    I win or lose."

    He said, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water... unless it's floating face down."

    He said, "If you can't beat 'em, let ME beat 'em!"

    He said, "You can tell a lot about a man by how he strangles you!"

    And lastly he said,
    "Fight for peace!
    Make love, not war!
    Unless you love to kill!"

    Right! And as they stormed the mountain, and kicked him to death, he said one more thing...
    He said...

    "Ow! Ow! Stop kicking me! No, please! Not the head! Not in the skull! Stop kicking me, please! I'm dying!"

    And as the Martian sat and waved from his driver seat window of his hovering Martian
    spaceship on his way back to Jupiter, he offered these parting words of advice...
    He said, "Do yourself a favor and STOP this goddamn song!"

    But we couldn't....

    Because we STILL didn't know...

    (start singing, people!)

    Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
    He was a good friend of mine
    I heard he died, but nobody cried
    Instead they all chopped off their arms!

    Well, that sure makes sense, he was loved by his fans
    But tell me, how did he die?
    Nobody knows, they found him alone
    All bloody with his arms by his side

    Everybody!

    I know that there's something wrong with this song
    I just don't know what it could be
    Na na na, ney ney ney, nee nee nee nee
    There's something wrong with this
    something wrong with this...
    something wrong with this...

    "Chainsaw Juggler!"
    "Song..."
    "Song."
    "Bone!"
    "We gotta work on that ending"
    (Mindset)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 9.7 (8 votes)
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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